The Adventures of Icha Icha Lee!
by Endoh
Summary: For the sake of all that is green and youthful, WHY, LEE, WHY? Gai-sensei catches his student taking a peak in a certain Icha Icha 'graphic novel.’ Adventures and mass arson ensue... —CRACKfic—


For the sake of all that is green and youthful, WHY, LEE, WHY!? Gai-sensei catches his student taking a peak in a certain Icha Icha 'novel.' CRACKfic.

I'm going to emphasize on something just a _tiny _bit for a moment: **CRACK**fic. This is merely humorous. It is not meant as character-bashing. I happen to find both Lee and Gai quite entertaining at times…kinda…

JUKEBOX: "Cops and Robbers" by _The Hoosiers _

Enjoy the crack!

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**The Adventures of Icha Icha Lee!**

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Lee loved books. Well, Lee loved just about everything—flowers, Sakura, squirrels, green man-tights, _youth_! But today, Lee was in a bookstore looking for a youthful adventure book! Unfortunately, Lee's hunt wasn't going too well. He skipped and frolicked through row after row, but he found nothing that captured the youthful spirit Gai-sensei had told him to find in a book! Until _finally_,he came across a certain author's name.

"Jiraiya-sama! One of the great Sannin! Surely _he _would write of great, wondrous adventures!" Lee's eyes sparkled with youthful excitement as a heavenly light seemed to cast down upon the book in front of him, an angelic chorus seeming to sing! He tiptoed towards it, eyes wide and mouth agape. Would it be about seafaring pirates? Would it be about rough and tough cowboys? Would it be about fanciful elves and pixies? Would it be about a lovely princess and chivalrous knights? He _had _to find out! "_Icha Icha Tactics_! Sounds like a spy book filled with great, wondrous, youthful intrigue and adventure!" He was so excited his hands began to shake as he reached for the book on the shelf. Even the cover looked youthful and exciting! A young man held a young and beautiful woman in his arms and appeared to be saving her—a damsel in distress—from some evil villain. It was just too perfect (and youthful)! Lee's quivering hand grew closer, closer, closer, closer…until finally he touched the book. Lee could hardly contain his excitement, bouncing up and down on his toes, as he slowly caressed the cover of the small book. "What wonders do you hold inside of you, oh wonderful, glorious, youthful book?" Lee murmured. He wanted to dance and flit about the store with all of his happiness. _This _was surely the sort of book Gai-sensei had told him to read. He slowly, _carefully_ opened the book, his eyes scanning over the first page.

_Yumi heard a loud groan come from the room next door; she was a secret agent, so she did what came naturally; she decided to investigate…_

"Oh, no! Somebody's hurt already?! Jiraiya-sama gets right to the point in his novels! Such an inspiration he is! Such youth he still possesses!" Lee glanced back down at the book. "Yumi! You must save the injured person!" He returned all of his youthful attention to the _enthralling _book before him. He slowly slid himself down to the floor and crossed his legs as he read on in pure delight.

_Yumi exited her office and walked to next door to check on her boss. Was he in pain? Was he hurt? Yumi had to find out! She knocked on his door, but there was no answer!_

"Oh, no!" Lee gasped, a hand covering his mouth in terror. "Help him, Yumi! Help him with your youthful powers!" (A/N: XD) He glued his eyes back to the page of the book and read onwards.

_Yumi slowly opened the door. "Boss?" she questioned._

The page ended, and Lee eagerly turned to the next one.

"LEEEEE! Oh, Leeeeee! Where are you?" boomed the voice of the one and only Gai-sensei. "Lee, my youthful lad! Have you found a glorious adventure book yet?"

"Over here, Gai-sensei! I've found a magnificently youthful book full of intrigue and suspense and excitement!"

Gai fluttered to where Lee was sitting and flashed his megawatt smile with a thumbs-up! "Ah, Lee! I'm so proud of you, my youthful—wait a second…!" Gai's face slipped from youthful glee to disgusted horror as he took in his surroundings. _Icha! Icha! Icha! Icha! Icha! Icha! Icha! Icha!_ The words seemed to bounce around in his head; a cold sweat began to form on his neck. _Icha! Icha! Icha! Icha! Icha! Icha! Icha! Icha! _Gai managed some sort of outrageous pirouette as his face took on an aghast expression. "Lee! W-what is the meaning of this?!" he screamed, still pirouetting around and flinging an arm over his eyes dramatically.

Lee eagerly leapt up and shoved the book in front of Gai-sensei's rather large nose. "Look, Gai-sensei! I've found exactly what you wanted me to read! It's exciting and adventurous!" Lee jumped about with merriment.

Gai's face changed to the color of his man-unitard, and then it turned purple, and then it turned blue, and finally it returned to green. His student found _that_ book _exciting _and _adventurous_?! He began hyperventilating and twitching, but he froze as he heard a "Yo!" come from behind him; it didn't take him long to resume his quivering, though.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Lee shrieked. "Kakashi-sensei, you must help! Gai-sensei can't breathe! I showed him my new book," Lee waved the graphic novel (A/N: pun _sooo_ intended) in the masked man's face. "…and he started choking and changing colors!" Lee flung his arms about in panic, knocking over the arrangement of _Icha Icha _novels, but Kakashi's one visible pupil suddenly decreased in size as he backed slowly away, sensing the youthful fury Gai was about to unleash; a sweat drop formed on the other jounin's face.

"Lee," came a dark, thunderous growl. "Why…" the growl quickly changed to a roar, and Kakashi backed further away. "WHY DO YOU SHAME THE YOUTHFUL WORLD WITH THIS-THIS _MONSTROSITY_?!" Gai snatched the book from Lee's hands and shook it in front of his eyes, the pages cascading down like a deck of cards being shuffled.

Lee flew three feet in the air as he saw the true horrors of the book. "Gai-sensei! Oh, Gai-sensei! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!" he wailed.

Kakashi, easing his way ever so slowly away from the seething, green men, could barely stifle both an amused snort and a petrified sound of sheer panic. He could sense the imminent danger…his shinobi senses telling him to run for his life…and fast…

Lee let out a girly scream and burst into tears of youthful remorse! "H-how do I repent for th-this, Gai-sensei?!" he blubbered.

Fire seemed to form around Gai-sensei as a brilliant idea formed in his youthful mind. "Lee, I too must repent for not teaching you well enough to avoid such abominations of the youthful mind, so…"

"What will we do, Gai-sensei?!" Lee fell to the floor and latched onto his sensei's green man-tights and tangerine legwarmers as Kakashi neared the exit of the bookstore.

Gai's eyes blazed with youthful passion and he held his fists in the air with youthful triumph. "We will eradicate this menace from bookstores everywhere, Lee!" With fire literally leaping from his eyes, he turned to his rival. "Beginning with _that _one. GET 'IM!"

The Copy Nin saw the two charging green people and groaned. "Oh shi…!" Kakashi muttered and ran for the life of his beloved _graphic_ novel.

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And so the chase began! Gai-sensei and Lee hunted Kakashi all around the world to repent for what they did, setting every _Icha Icha_ book they came across in their travels aflame. The man-tight wearing duo became known as the Green Bookstore Bandits for their arson deeds. It didn't take long for a gang of outlaw perverts to begin a headhunt of their own—having their most treasured possessions burned to a crisp didn't sit well with most pervs! And so an even greater chase began all throughout the ninja world. The Bandits lead a perilous life, but Gai-sensei and his youthful…er…companion…never gave up! They went after Kakashi for years and years, but to no avail! Eventually the great _Icha Icha _author took notice and joined the headhunt! Finally, after thousands of _Icha Icha _books were lit up in flames and turned to ashes, the Green Bookstore Bandits were apprehended. Jiraiya had planned on suing the two for all the money that had burned, but then he got a _better _idea after realizing the two were dirt poor…

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"Lee, Gai! Since you idiots have no money to pay for the damage you've caused…" An evil smile formed on the face of the Toad Sage. "You'll just have to pay off your debt by spending the rest of your lives…"

The faces of both Lee and Gai were sickly white and horrorstricken as they waited for the verdict, their _death sentence_.

"Answering all of my _Icha Icha _fan mail!" yelled Jiraiya with a sinister smirk.

And so the Green Bookstore Bandits fell dead right then and there.

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**FIN!**

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_Heheh… Well, I've got just this to say: I wrote this after getting two hours of sleep last night and while slightly intoxicated with espresso…so you'll have to excuse this abomination of a fic. (: All the same, I hope it made you at least smile. :D_

I hope you'll take the time to review! (:


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